chapter seven:

     The truth about being a caregiver for my mother is being comfortable, for both she and I, has never been something that we’ve truly experienced.  From the very beginning, when the decision was made for her to live with me in my home, an adjustment was required from both of us and even to this day, we are still working on adjusting. 

     When the word comfort comes to mind, one might think that I may be referring to its physical relevance.  Regarding caregiving, comfort is associated with various topics.  For my Mom, it has always been my goal to ensure she has all that is needed to give her the best opportunity to thrive.  While she may suffer from being a stroke victim, that doesn’t mean that all hope is lost.  I faithfully believe that her full recovery is within reach, and with proper care, love, and support, it’s very attainable.  While we travel this journey together, as her caregiver, I believe the least that I can do is make the most of what we face.

     As Mom is confined to a wheelchair, it makes it very difficult to properly position her.  This applies to when she is sitting in her recliner or resting in bed; finding the best comfortable position is something that we strive for and pray for.  If Mom is not comfortable while sitting in her recliner, it can affect how she enjoys watching television, talking on the phone, and even interacting with others.  As her caregiver, I pay attention to how she reacts to what is provided for her.  I can imagine this is something that other caregivers encounter as well.  

     Another area of comfortability that presents itself as a challenge happens when it’s time to take Mom to the doctor or when she has visitors inside our home.  I have noticed that Mom doesn’t always appear to be happy when she has to interact with someone other than her immediate family.  I get it and understand that she lost a great deal of independence as a result of suffering her stroke.  Even more, Mom is a very classy woman with a lot of sophistication, and having to depend on someone for her very basic needs can be uncomfortable and even embarrassing.  

     Just as little kids might stare at something that they see for the first time and find interesting, my Mom and I have experienced that type of behavior from other adults while out in public.  I don’t know if it is because they are surprised to see a grown man care for his mother; I would do it a thousand times again if I had to.  I don’t know if it is because they are intrigued by seeing my Mom in her condition.  Regardless, over time, we have adjusted and settled into the pockets of joy that our situation provides.  

     It’s not easy being a caregiver, and I know it’s not easy for my Mom either.  This assignment isn’t something that everyone can handle, and I have learned to understand that it is not about being comfortable.  Caring for someone in a manner that my mother requires doesn’t always allow for us to be comfortable.